I could tell you my adventures — beginning from this morning,' said Alice a little timidly: 'but it's no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then.'
'Explain all that,' said the Mock Turtle.'No, no! The adventures first,' said the Gryphon in an impatient tone: 'explanations take such a dreadful time.'
A choice to make a new start. A path way to a new life. A journey to discovery. A......... big hiccup in the plans!
I began this blog with very good intentions and really did start to "find" myself. However life has a way of throwing in a blind curve that takes you in a direction you didn't think was possible or feasible.
Now, I am not talking about change of "life direction" (not yet, anyway) but just STUFF that comes from, seemingly, nowhere and makes you take stock of where you are, who you are and why you are.
Things like a family health crisis, for instance, can sit you back on your heels and send all the fairy fluff worries and troubles flitting away into the never never. Actually, if you think about it, that's where those things belong!
Let me explain......won't take a second.... Fairy fluff worries and troubles are designed to keep you from dealing with the REAL. Fairy Fluff things powdercoat the real meaning of "who", "what" & "why" and you can't see reality anymore. All you see is "Eww, there's dirt on my powder coating! How dare you!" Think about it. Classic examples - Does it matter which side the toilet paper is on? Does it matter if the toothpaste is squeezed from the bottom? Does it matter if you aren't you doing the speed limit and will be a minute later? Does it matter that your sibling took all the red smarties when they are your favourite?.... I am sure you could think of a lot more.
We had a blind curve to negotiate early this year. A stroke of rather major proportions. The risk of losing one very dear to us. The responsibility of dealing with medical staff and communicating with family members. The need to hold it all together so that everyone else could function. Taking in information, filtering it regurgitating it and feeding it out in manageable/understandable portions. Having to decide that "Do Not Resuscitate" was the best way to go if something else happened. THIS was our blind curve. THIS wiped Fairy Fluff from our lives....for a while.
For 2 months we did "Reality" and found the strength to do it from friends family and God. Days turned into weeks. Tasks were left undone. Fluff didn't matter anymore.
Then, as life began to regain some form of "normality", the fairy fluff began to sneak back in. Old habits die hard. Now the choice must be made. Does the Fluff get to take over again?
I guess writing this is my challenge to myself. I have put it out in the open to be viewed by whoever and it can't be hidden. I have to choose reality and maturity or go back to a Fairy Fluff childish life.
I am not in any way saying the choice is easy. It isn't. Hand in hand with Fairy Fluff is Pride. Pride is like an HTML link, embedded in the program that is me.
I can't say how successful I will be or how long it will take me to get rid of the Fluff again. I can only say I am going to try. That is MY adventure.
and what shall be the wise closing words for today? Alice will not suffice, I deem to go further, to her creator, Mr. Charles Lutwidge Dawson. (otherwise known as Lewis Carroll)
I suppose every child has a world of his own — and every man, too, for the matter of that. I wonder if that's the cause for all the misunderstanding there is in Life?
