Who am I?

'Who are you?' said the Caterpillar. 

This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation. Alice replied, rather shyly, 'I — I hardly know, sir, just at present — at least I know who I WAS when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then.'

'What do you mean by that?' said the Caterpillar sternly. 'Explain yourself!'

'I can't explain myself, I'm afraid, sir' said Alice, 'because I'm not myself, you see.'.......

How does one get to this point in one's life and NOT know who they are? I don't really know the answer to that one. Perhaps there isn't ONE answer. Perhaps is is a succession of answers.

I remember who I wanted to be. Different people through the years. I don't mean specific people, I mean TYPES of people. Mostly brave, popular, daring, strong, flamboyant, talented, did I mention popular?  Unfortunately, I felt that I was none of those.  I tried to be those people, but circumstance and other people stood in my way.  Or so I thought.

Inside I was timid, I didn't have a right to say what I thought. Who was I to have an opinion on anything??!? 

Popular? No, no! People just tolerated me because, maybe, I had something they wanted to use. My vivid imagination told me they felt sorry for me so they "let" me hang around. 

Daring? Ha! I was too afraid of getting into trouble! 

Strong? Well, I was stubborn...is that similar?  hmmm.....  but stubborn on the inside, around certain people, in certain situations. Strong like I imagined others to be? Not I....... 

Flamboyant?  uh..... no. Too embarassed, someone might not like ME if I was way out there. 

Talented? Well, just too wrapped up in my inadequacies to recognize the talent that has been there all along.

Popular? Oh that old rag again? Done it TO DEATH! "you can't come with us, YOU are too young! (same age as all the rest)  You can't do that because YOU will wreck it. There's no more room for YOU! YOU have germs!

The thoughts of incompetence can dance around in the head, trying to drive out the one thing that I have that is true.... ME!
This week, circumstances have arisen in my life that have brought REALITY crashing into the inner realms of my thoughts.
I have come to realize (once again in my circular journey) that the negative voices, that scream out and attempt to drown me in black inky thoughts, are NOT what TRUTH is.
TRUTH is what is given by those that love me.
The truth is ...I have to learn how to trust those I love to tell me the TRUTH. I have to dispel those ink-stained thoughts with TRUTH.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Philippians 4:8  New International Version (NIV)

What then, shall I say? 

Who am I?
I am a woman. I am a daughter (and a daughter-in-law). I am a sister. I am a wife. I am a mother (and a mother-in-law) I am an aunt. I am a grandmother. I am a friend. I am a hard worker. I am loyal. I am trustworthy. I am kind. I am considerate. I am funny. I am talented. I am a believer in the Living God.  I am hopeful. I am a seeker of truth. I am an adventurer. I am a traveller. I AM LOVED!

My self does not lie beneath the blackness. My SELF lies within the TRUTH, and the TRUTH will make me free!

And that is quite enough of my musing for tonight. I shall vanish until next time..

`All right,' said the Cat; and this time it vanished quite slowly, beginning with the end of the tail, and ending with the grin, which remained some time after the rest of it had gone.